There’s a lot of talk out there about movies that have been made, but I’d like to spend
a little time talking about one that should be. It’s a documentary about heavy metal.
What’s that you say? There are plenty of documentaries about heavy metal, not to mention one
or two notable mockumentaries on the subject? Yes, yes, I know. But I’m not pining for another film that proves
the ignorance and mediocrity of ninety percent of the metal scene. Regrettably, that’s been well established. It’s
a reality worth pondering, but enough is enough. What about the truly gifted practitioners who plod through the years touring
and recording, serving up highly crafted songs to the delight of their fans? It is to them that our hypothetical documentary
must be devoted.
Heavy metal is its own floating island in the restless
sea of popular music. Punk, hip-hop, and bluegrass you might expect to hear from time to time on NPR. Somehow even the most
anti-establishment music genres have found a scintilla of respectability. All of them, that is, except for heavy metal.
There are reference points throughout rock history, of course. I’m
no rock historian and I recognize this. So let’s roll film on our documentary with an introductory photo montage of
some of heavy metal’s most influential ancestors. For guitarists we’re talking about people like Eric Clapton,
Jimi Hendrix, Jimmy Page, and Jeff Beck. Singers might include Eric Bourdon, Marc Bolan, Dickie Peterson, Joe Cocker, and
Robert Plant. Bassists and drummers might come from even farther afield. But goddamn it, when the last of the opening credits
scrolls by, it’s time to set the record straight about the inestimable contributions of some of the key players from
about 1980 onward. That’s where the untold story lives.
I’ve
always looked at the metal movement as stemming from two major branches, one leading from Led Zeppelin, the other from Black
Sabbath. This is probably overly simplistic, but my only point is that our documentary would have to dip its bucket into both
tributaries. I can’t think of a better place to start than Van Halen, arguably descendants along the Zeppelin line.
Eddie Van Halen has worked night and day in recent years to erase all memory of his former greatness, but even he is powerless
to do so (proving once and for all that yes, God can in fact create a rock so heavy that he himself cannot lift it). I’ve
said it before and I’ll say it again: The ten best rock guitar solos of all time were recorded by this innovative musician,
and the reach of his influence on young players has no end in sight. True, his achievements haven’t exactly been overlooked
by the music world, but the banner must continue to fly until he shares the same stage in history as the greats already shown
during our opening credits. And besides, we’re only getting this thing cranked up. Less decorated soldiers in the metal
army will earn their stripes as the film grinds forward.
Next up,
King’s X. I’m not convinced there’s a hard rocking outfit in the world that has delivered as many excellent
songs as this Texas trio, not to mention the restraint with which they’re able to harness their prodigious musical talents.
Humanity needs to be made aware of their efforts. Their cult status is impressive but unfair. They ought to be as big as the
Beatles, and that comparison is more apt than it may appear at first blush.
While
we’re at this, let’s jump across to the darker side of the spectrum and trace Metallica and Iron Maiden’s
influence on the thrash and death metal sub-genres, and their variant branches. Coroner would be an obvious choice here. So
would Voivod. You won’t hear mention of either band on hard rock radio, yet no one can match the power and intricacy
of the former or the frantic fusion of the latter. In fact, I wonder if there’d be a Tool without a Coroner and a Voivod.
My guess is no. Coroner's lyrics alone make the band worth considering. English may have been drummer Mark Edelmann’s
second language, but he didn’t let that stop him from penning some of the most memorable lyrics of a generation of death
metal. You can have your overrated Jim Morrison doggerel. I’ll take the words of Coroner any day.
In the interest of controversy let’s include a segment on Celtic Frost as well. Not generally
admired for their finely honed musicianship, Frost have nonetheless made some significant contributions to death metal. One
of the best examples is their cover of Wall of Voodoo’s “Mexican Radio.” Their arrangement cleverly introduces
a counterpoint to the original melody while retaining the original by handing a slight variation of it to the rhythm guitar.
It’s incredibly effective and breathes real life into the song. The whole Into the Pandemonium record is just
great listening anyway, and having Les Edwards’ Tomb World painting featured inside the album cover is just one more
reason to sing the praises of Frost.
Then of course there’s
the guitar hero tradition, best exemplified by speedsters like Yngwie Malmsteen, Steve Vai, and Jason Becker in the 1980s.
Of course many others have followed since. This new breed of guitarist was not only fast as greased lightning where fretwork
was concerned, but they brought a classical awareness to the genre that can be traced back even farther to Richie Blackmore
and his ilk. Corruptions like Dream Theater were an inevitable side effect of the so-called neo-classical trend, and our documentary
might spend a moment or two on music I’m not particularly fond of (in the case of Dream Theater, too much math, not
enough heart), but by and large this film is my imaginary figment, so I’m calling the shots, dig?
Now, did I mention Extreme? I know it’s fashionable in some circles to
dismiss this group as cotton candy, but then, so are drug abuse and gang violence. That doesn’t make them right. The
original lineup of this funk metal syndicate is responsible for some of the most jaw-dropping confections of the late ’80s
and early ’90s. There’s simply no pretending that Nuno Bettencourt and the boys aren’t some of the worthiest
inheritors of the Van Halen tradition to come down the line.
I could
go on to talk a little bit about some of the newer musical groundbreakers, like Extol and Dillinger Escape Plan, or I could
reveal my ignorance about even newer groups, but I trust you get my drift by now. The metal army marches on. I've left out
a lot of names here, and so will our documentary. Our net for this picture has been cast wide across the sometimes mystifying
world of heavy metal music, but the focus remains on the music. That's bound to limit our coverage, both because quality is
hard to find and because it's ultimately in the ear of the beholder. Still, we’re panning for the good stuff and will
not settle for hacks and wannabes. There are shadows to be illuminated, people. Myths to be shattered. Minds to be expanded.
Our work is cut out for us.